Retrospect

documenting life, creating art.

Tag Archives: work


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Times, they are a changin’….

Hello! It’s been a while since I was last here, and I owe you all an apology! My daughter and I have moved to our own place, I’m working a lot, spending a good amount of time trying to take care of myself (soul-searching, reading, journaling), and moving mountains (or so it feels) to get myself back to college so I may at some point in the future (crossing my fingers) become an RN.

I have been needing some changes in my life, and if I were a car, I guess you’d say I am in need of an overhaul. A major one. It has been a rocky road for me lately, but I’m doing what I need to do to become a better person, and this journey is not a walk through the park. It’s more like the yellow brick road where sometimes I’m dancing along just fine, and at other times I stumble across a road block…..but I keep on going, and I’m bound for the “Emerald City”. Also known as self-fulfillment and happiness. Wish me luck!

One thing I have not changed is my love for scrapping and documenting my life, good and bad. Thank goodness for Project Life which lets me do just that, only at my own pace which can sometimes be quickly, sometimes slowly, but lately quite steady and on track. I just haven’t shared anything yet (I’m rather slow at this blogging thing!). I showed a snippet of week 11 last post, and I am ready to share weeks 12 through 17. Be warned, this is photo heavy!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHello to Fadhilah, my sweet friend! I was so touched by her email to me a while back asking where I’ve been because she enjoys following me, and I must say I didn’t realize I had such followers! She is kind, intelligent and fun to talk with (through emails); we share our experiences of motherhood and scrapbooking. She is a joy, and I have learned that whatever country, culture or religion a woman belongs to, we all have more in common than we may realize. Thank you, Fadhilah! You are a blessing to me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThis is the inside of the folded card with “School Days” and the typewriter on it; it also contains the business card of the counselor I had a meeting with. This was a very special day for me; the counselor was so supportive and friendly, and when I left, I literally broke down in tears I was so overwhelmed with emotion. I’m really going back to school!! It was a dare I gave myself, and I didn’t chicken out. Amazing! The doubt and fear I have been harboring inside for the last 20 years has kept me stuck in one place. It’s time to stop spinning my wheels, face the challenges head on, and grow. I look forward to documenting and scrapping this journey, too.

Thank you for stopping by and allowing me to open up a little piece of my life to you, and thank you to my family and friends for being so supportive. I may not have all the time in the world to blog as much as I’d like, but trust me, I’ll be back as soon as I can. Happiness and best wishes to all of you,

Jennifer

[Oh- I almost forgot to give credit to Becky Higgins' Project Life for the base of the album (including the small page add-on for two 4x6" photos); Studio Calico for the majority of the journal cards and embellishments; Lawn Fawn for some of the wood veneer elements and paper clips; Ormolu for badges; Elle's Studio for journal tags, and Michael's for most of the washi tape.]

 

 


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New design challenges met

I have been so busy lately with work, classes, and projects, it’s been tough to stay caught up. I’ve been behind, so I’m desperately trying to get as much done as possible. I was not able to download yesterday’s Week in the Life images, nor will I today, but I did get two more design challenges met, which is pretty good. Here is where I am so far:

Challenge 8: using signage in a layout.

Challenge 9: creating a layout with no margins.

I will try again tomorrow to include photos of my day, but no matter what, next week when all is said and done, I will be putting everything together to show here. Thanks for stopping by!


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Wanted: new self-esteem…

Like Hubby's homemade boat-- rough edges and a broken sail.

I sometimes have those days, lately, in which I find myself particularly sensitive to everyone around me. My rational brain and my emotional brain are in a battle, and the emotional side is winning. I’m working like a dog at work today, but instead of feeling accomplished, I feel somewhat worthless, as some coworkers forget I’m there, unless a sudden emergency comes up. Then I feel just taken for granted. Trying to shake myself out of this self-hate jag while driving home, I was unsuccessful and my mind started wandering to other areas of my life, like Retrospect, and especially my blog. I am in an unsettled place with this blog. I have been on this mission, this commitment to blog every day, for one entire year. That’s 365 days. 3-6-5. Some days have been easier than others. Lately, it’s been feeling like a chore, instead of an exciting challenge I feel privileged to partake in. I have to start wondering: am I really getting anything out of this? Am I really becoming a better blogger, just as Word Press proposed? Has my visibility increased, or have I gathered a flock of new followers who are dying to find out what I have to say today? No. Nope. Nyet. Nein. Not even close. I was honestly surprised to discover that I have 6 subscribers. Hubby only has a subscription to my blog because I physically put myself at his computer and subscribed for him!! My mother doesn’t even follow me…I’ve even sent her the link, several times, and crossed my fingers. Nada. Nonetheless, this is not a pity party. It makes me very grateful for the six wonderful people who do subscribe; I do thank you from the bottom of my heart, which makes my next decision difficult: should I just quit? Or, perhaps I should reduce my blogging to once a week? I hate the idea of giving up on this challenge; I thought it would be really cool to be able to say I never missed a single day, and I don’t like the idea of being a quitter, but I also thought I would have gotten more out of this. Had I not looked up who subscribes to me, I would truly believe that just dropping off would amount to a hill of beans. Who would care, right? On the other hand, aside from being a wussy quitter, I may never see any real change. What if I just haven’t reached my peak? What if I have a wave of inspiration that spreads throughout the scrapbook world and I suddenly find myself having throngs of engaged readers filling out my comment box left and right? I suppose my answer lies in my own queries: who do I blog for, and why? Does it really matter if anyone reads this or not? If it does, how do I create a more engaging blog? These are the questions I need to mull over and reflect upon before I can go forward. I think I will start blogging once a week from now on…I will pick one day of the week to be my “blog day”, and hopefully fill it with many interesting, creative ideas; stories and photos. And hopefully, my six wonderful subscribers will still be around.  


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My get-up-and-go got up and left.

I seem to have misplaced my motivation somewhere. I have been fighting a demon for some time now, and my champion, motivation, is nowhere to be found to help me fight the nasty demon. My demon is better known as laziness……indolence……or sloth. My poor, dear hubby has been trying to get me to the gym for months….but I just don’t want to go. I have zero motivation to exercise. Just looking at this photo makes me tired, and although I do know that I need to go, I just can’t find the get-up to go. I have tried making up a list of reasons why I need to exercise. Did nothing for me. I have tried listening to music to pump me up. Nada. I have tried different exercises that might be more fun. They weren’t. I’ve looked at cute gym clothes, and even cuter regular clothes (in sizes that would never fit because they’re too small) to get me going, but no. Not even that. I just keep telling myself that tomorrow I will try to go to the gym right after work. When that time comes, what crowds out everything else in my mind are the words, “Are you kidding?!!?” I am tired. I feel like I have been exercising for 8 hours already by the time I get off work every day. I work in a huge place where I am on my feet a lot, and walking-usually fast-all over and then some. I swear that if I were to wear a pedometer at work, it would register well over 100 miles….at least it feels that way. So, why would I want to continue on a treadmill at a gym where I am not getting paid? I know, I can hear the cardiologists telling me, “Because what you do at work is not 30 minutes of uninterrupted aerobic exercise at a MET level of at least 10.0. That’s why. Well, I can think of ten more reasons why I can’t do it:

  1. I’m tired.
  2. I’m stressed enough.
  3. My feet hurt.
  4. I’m really, really tired.
  5. My legs hurt, too.
  6. That one last 350 lb. patient I pushed in the wheelchair back to Timbuktu.
  7. I’ve had enough of treadmills for the day.
  8. I forgot my Nike’s at home.
  9. I need to rest.
  10. I’m not just tired, it’s bordering on exhaustion [insert hand to forehead].

All jokes aside, I really do need to find that darned motivation, wherever it’s hiding. I know that I should just do it (thanks, Nike), but push come to shove, I just don’t. Not even meeting my poor, dear hubby at the gym works anymore. I find too many excuses. Well, what excuse am I going to come up with when I am even more over weight, my back is beyond repair, my health is failing, and my energy level has been completely devoured by depression?

Mr. Motivation, wherever you are, please, please help me find you. Give me back that spark; that kick in the butt I desperately need. I won’t betray you, I promise. Please give me another chance…I want to feel good again! And, there are adorable summer clothes that beckon me!



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Taking stock, and taking pride.

Driving home from work today, I felt a profound sense of gratification regarding my job. I have a great job. I have a job that is very meaningful to me, that enriches me, that makes me feel good knowing I am given the chance to help people. There have been more than a few days in recent months, however, I have come home feeling useless, like an expendable peon with as about as much significance as the doormat that lies at the entrance to the building. A completely worthless nothing. Why? There are so many reasons, but then there will be a day, or a week in which I am reminded that I am part of a team; I am one link in a very important chain and it is up to me be a strong link, supporting and helping the weaker ones. Sitting with my coworkers today, I had a chance to reflect on our roles at work, and what we are able to accomplish together. I am lucky and I feel grateful to be in this position. The truth is, I don’t see myself as just a peon; I have  worth, and I have skills and knowledge to make someone else’s life better. I don’t have to be in a position of authority; I don’t have to be superior or have special degree or credentials to have value. I just have to be the best me I can be, and take pride in what I do; after all, I love what I do, and I truly like and respect those I get to do this work with.  This job not only involves patients’ hearts, but my heart as well. Thank you, Cardiology teammates; it’s an honor and a pleasure.


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Beware the Ides of March…

I just like saying that. Today happens to be Hubby’s birthday. I had to work, and he had a doctor’s appointment (oh, joy), but we were invited out for dinner by my mother which was a real treat. Cake and coffee was at our place after, and all-in-all, it was a nice day.

Ish shelee, I am so glad you were born on this day, a long time ago. I celebrate you and your presence in this world and in my life. Happy birthday, and many more to come.


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Miss Tracy’s Yummy Tart

While at work today, my coworkers and I were pleasantly surprised with a yummy, homemade tart from the head nurse in our department. It certainly added a touch of sunshine to our day, and it was absolutely delicious. Taking a quick break to eat it, everyone in the office became quiet except for the audible sounds of “mmm!” Tracy, our nurse, shared the recipe with us, and said that making it is so easy, even the non-cooks in the department could easily prepare it. Betcha you can, too!

Tracy’s Yummy Tart (my name for it)

→Prepare a graham cracker crust from your favorite recipe in a pie plate or tart pan (or, it’s an easy recipe combining about 12 crushed graham crackers with a stick of softened butter, molded into a pan and baked in a 350° oven for about 12 min. or until it’s a shade darker), or buy a prepared one.

→Combine two containers of cream cheese with a jar of lemon curd (most grocery stores have it, or World Market does, too) and smooth into the crust. Refrigerate for at least 15 minutes to set.

→Layer strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and boysenberries (or any of your favorite berries) on top, then grate lemon zest over the berries.

You’ll love this. Enjoy!


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Mr. Silly does it again.

I had a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad day today. Started at work, got worse coming home. Bad. Then I started doing a project, and I went from not being able to even fake a smile earlier today, to not being able to suppress one….because of one photo. Thanks, Kay-kay. You are an adorable nephew, and I love you.

Mr. "Silly", McKay

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